


A Perpetual Sunrise

by towanda



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6585052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towanda/pseuds/towanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An imagining of what happens next, after the extraordinary final scene. </p><p>From both Therese (Chapter 1) and Carol's (Chapter 2) POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Therese

**Author's Note:**

> Movie canon, mostly, book canon woven in as well. So inspired I wrote my first fic. :-)
> 
> ETA one year later: Still so inspired I wrote another chapter. :-) Tweaked this one only slightly, since I've learned a little since I first wrote it.

A perpetual sunrise.

Her gaze, a perpetual sunrise.

In one smooth elegant motion, Carol rose from the table, her eyes never leaving Therese’s as she murmured a polite but brief “Please excuse me,” only the slight tremor of her hand as she left her napkin on the table betraying her emotion.  They moved through the restaurant into the lobby silently.  Carol thanked the coat-check staffer, and together they stepped out into the street.  

How she was still standing Therese did not know.  She watched as Carol looked up into the misty night sky and inhaled deeply, as if deciding something, and then lowered her eyes back into Therese’s gaze.  For a long moment they stood, tremulous, the rumble of the subway under their feet their only accompaniment, until Therese reached for Carol’s arm and led her down the block towards Carol’s car.

“Now.  Everything happens now,” Therese thought, breathless and on fire. Her thoughts still tumbled over each other, as they had since the moment Carol had said she loved her, and the entire ground had shifted within Therese’s being.  So much had gone unspoken between them those winter weeks, unspoken because forbidden, unspoken because who had words, unspoken because uncertain, unspoken because unknown. Now it was spring, and all things were new.

“You know the way to my apartment from here?” Therese asked as they settled into the car.  Even in the car’s dark shadows she could see the slight flinch of puzzlement and desperate hope around Carol’s eyes as she said yes.  Her own anxiety and self-doubt gone from the moment of Carol’s declaration, Therese discovered she understood Carol’s subtle expressions with new clarity, and was moved by her quiet vulnerability.  She would not make her ask what she was thinking, ever again.

“Carol,” she said softly, turning to face her more fully, her hand sliding down Carol’s arm to squeeze her hand, “look at me.”  Carol’s eyes were startled, open, expectant.  “I’d like you to come to my apartment with me, please.  Come, and stay the night.  Would you?”

Therese did not miss Carol’s quick gasp, and thought her face could have lit all the streetlamps in New York as she replied, “Yes, dearest, yes,” squeezing Therese’s hand in return.

After starting the car and pulling out into the street, Carol had quietly slid her hand across the seat to Therese, who clasped it in her own with a sigh.  To sit in Carol’s car again felt as natural as shade under a tall oak in summer.  Therese found herself mesmerized yet again by Carol’s hand on the steering wheel, by the curve of her right cheekbone, by the way the leather of the glove accentuated the strength of her hand, and now, new, the quiver in the upturned corner of her mouth, as if she could not hold in her smile. 

They rode in silence. Therese glanced out the window without really seeing and tried to remember to breathe.  She was with Carol.  Carol had said she loved her.  And now they were in Carol’s car, arriving at Therese’s apartment.  A vibration of excitement settled into Therese’s thighs, a tingling that threatened to dissolve her as they quietly climbed the stairs to the third floor.  Unlocking the door, she gestured Carol inside with a gallant wave that made them both laugh with sudden freedom.

Still giggling, Therese closed and locked the door as Carol walked into the living room.  Therese watched as Carol draped her coat across a chair and slowly turned, scanning the room, seeming to absorb its essence.  “You painted,” Carol said, “I like it. This blue, it suits you.”

Therese was momentarily surprised Carol noticed, as she had only been there twice before, but then remembered that Carol paid much closer attention to things than she let on.  She also knew that commenting on the paint was Carol’s way of covering her shyness, and she smiled gently at her as she drew close.

“Thank you. I…needed a change. I needed…many things to change.”  She reached up to caress Carol’s hair, tucking that unruly set of curls behind her right ear as she had watched Carol herself do so many times. Carol’s eyes were wet, and Therese knew they were both feeling the unresolved ache of sudden departure and months of loneliness.  She cupped Carol’s cheek, grazing her thumb over Carol’s cheekbone.

“Carol,” she whispered, and suddenly with a choked sob Carol had fallen into her arms, and Therese was kissing the top of her head as they stumbled to the sofa.  “Shh, shh, it’s ok now, it’s ok, Carol,” she whispered in between kisses as she held Carol to her chest.  “I’m so sorry,” Carol gulped between tears, “Therese, I’m so sorry…” Carol clung to Therese’s lapel, the other arm wrapped around her waist.  Their words mingled, overlapped, and Therese continued kissing Carol’s head, humming her comfort into her hair, holding her tight as Carol leaned into her.

“Shh, it’s ok now...”

“I’m so sorry. I should have…”

“You couldn’t, Carol, how could you…”

“Wait, I should have said wait…”

“We’re here now, shh, it’s ok now…”

Another sob cracked. “I…I missed you. God…”

Therese turned Carol’s face up to hers, kissing her forehead. “Oh God, don’t you know how I’ve missed you?” She smiled tenderly, drying away Carol’s tears with her thumb.  “Shh now, we can talk more tomorrow.”   She gently shifted them upright.  “Shh now.  Enough for now.” She stood and turned to take Carol’s hands, asking softly, “Come with me now, would you?”  Carol’s eyes shone with more than tears now. With a deep breath she nodded, “Yes.”

Therese led them through to her bedroom.  Her eyes never left Carol’s as she began to unbutton her own jacket.  Carol blinked. “I’ve let my nose run all over your lovely jacket,” she observed.  “Believe me when I tell you I do not care,” Therese responded, her voice deeper as she dropped the jacket to the floor and stepped towards Carol. Though she was certain, her heart still pounded. She suspected from Carol’s sudden flush that hers did as well.

Therese ran a finger along the brooch on Carol’s jacket, tracing the nubs of the pearls and the smooth, curved edge.   Carol’s breathing quickened, and as Therese looked up into her gaze of unabashed longing she unbuttoned the top button of Carol’s jacket.  “Don’t you know how I’ve missed you?” she breathed into Carol’s ear.  Carol quivered like a plucked string, her breath almost vibrating, matching Therese’s own, but still she didn’t move.

By the second button Therese realized Carol wore only a camisole underneath the jacket, no blouse or sweater – it was spring after all – and suddenly she found her hands impatient, undoing buttons and zippers and hooks with trembling fingers.   “Don’t you know how I’ve missed you?” she whispered again, daring to kiss the bare flesh at the exquisite notch where Carol’s collarbones met.  She felt more than heard Carol’s moan as she leaned into Therese’s hands. 

Therese felt Carol’s tentative hands on her shoulders. She slid a hand around the back of Carol’s neck, drawing her in for a kiss, an encouragement, a promise. She marveled at the hunger contained in such softness.  She felt Carol’s hands caress slowly down her back, and pulling back slightly to rest her forehead against Carol’s, she felt her own voice shake as she murmured, “Carol,” – she kissed her forehead and looked her in the eyes – “don’t you know I love you, too?”

Carol threw back her head with a cry and then pressed her lips to Therese’s with startling force. Now all their hands moved with a fury, Carol pulling at Therese’s sweater, Therese fumbling with the eye hook on Carol’s skirt.  “I think I tore it,” she gasped in between kisses, as the skirt slid to Carol’s ankles.  “Believe me when I tell you I do not care,” Carol rasped, kicking the skirt away, her shoes along with it.  The deep husk in Carol’s voice made Therese forget she had knees, and they tipped onto the bed, casting away the last of their underthings.

They paused, calm between the furies, catching their breath between gentle kisses. As Therese traced her features, she saw Carol’s face was again full of light.  “My angel,” Carol murmured, her fingertips grazing the curve of Therese’s hip. “Yes,” Therese smiled at the memory, “Yes, your angel,” she repeated, pulling at Carol’s hips until their bodies were touching knees, thighs, bellies, breasts. 

“Yours.”

And there were hands and lips and skin, curves and muscle and sinew, softness and tremble and shudder. 

Limbs entwined, Therese was never sure whose heart it was she felt beating, whose breath trembling, breath and heart their own rhythm, a rocking subterranean rumble giving way to triple beats over double, shifting accents losing any sense of downbeat, sliding suspensions releasing months of ache and loneliness.

She only knew she had never felt more alive as their bodies resolved their longing in an exquisite chord drawn out on breath of wonder, on a beat held until they could hold no more. 

As Carol ran her fingers quietly up and down Therese’s back, Therese buried her face in Carol’s neck, inhaling deeply the heady scent that was a blend of Carol’s perfume and their mingled sweat. If heaven did not smell like that, she thought, she was not interested. Once she felt she could move again, she padded to the kitchen and back with a glass of water.  Raised up on one elbow, Carol took several deep swallows and then handed the glass back with a mischievous look in her eye that Therese recognized from that first day at the store, when Carol had complimented her silly hat.  That look made her belly flutter, then and now.

Carol said one word, and Therese melted back into her arms.

“Again.”

  
~ ~ ~

  
From the kitchen table where she was nursing a cup of coffee, Therese heard Carol stir in the bed and got up to go to her. 

“Therese?”  There was a trace of anxiety in Carol’s voice.

“Here, Carol, I’m here,” Therese said, sitting down on the bed and reaching for Carol’s hand.

Carol rubbed her eyes with her free hand. “Not a dream then? For a moment I…”

“No, definitely not a dream.  Believe me when I tell you,” she said with a smile.

Carol met her smile with her own. “Thank God.” She pulled Therese’s hand towards her and kissed it.

“Coffee?  I was not exactly expecting company,” Therese winked, “so don’t have much to offer, but I can make you some toast and eggs.”

“You’re a sweetheart, thank you.”

Therese gestured to an extra robe she had set out while Carol was still sleeping. Carol pulled it on and wandered into the living room.  Therese handed her a cup of coffee.

“These weren’t up last night, were they?” Carol asked, gesturing at the walls with her cup.

“The photographs? No. I did that while you were sleeping.”

Therese had only slept a little, too excited to sleep. She had risen with the sunrise and pulled out all her photos of Carol and of their trip, hanging as many as she could from clips on twine that stretched across the walls of the living room.  She had wanted to surround them with good memories, on this new day.  There were landscapes and road signs, an occasional shot of Therese, but most of all Carol, starting with that first photo at the tree lot.

Carol smiled widely. “Beautiful, Therese, this is beautiful.”

“There’s one more, it just finished drying. Hold on.”

Therese returned with the new photograph and handed it to Carol, who held it with care.  It was a photo of their hands, fingers intertwined, resting on Carol’s belly with Therese’s blanket angling underneath.  Carol looked up at Therese, beaming and puzzled. “But how? When?”

“While you slept.  It was tricky, getting the right angle, holding the camera, not waking you up, you know.  But the light from the sunrise was so perfect, and you…well.  It took several tries but this one is perfect.”

Carol sighed, content.  “Perfect. Full circle.”

Therese smiled, suddenly shy, and headed back to the kitchen to make Carol’s breakfast. As she beat the eggs she could see Carol still looking at the photograph, and around the room at the others.  She smiled to herself as she poured the eggs into the pan.  “Won’t be long,” she called out.

At the table Carol nibbled her toast thoughtfully.  “You kept them. You didn’t throw them away. I’m not sure I could have done that if I had been in your shoes.”

Therese placed a hand over Carol’s. “Honestly, I thought about it.  But I couldn’t.  I missed you, for one thing, and then here was all this evidence that you were real, that this experience that changed me was real.  I couldn’t.  I did put them in a box, eventually,” she confessed. “But I couldn’t throw them away.”

“You thought I discarded you. You weren’t going to do the same.” It was more of a question, Therese thought, reading Carol’s eyes, and she got up to make more coffee, giving Carol’s hand a squeeze as she rose.

“Yes, I did.  I did think that, for a while.  In fact I was never entirely sure until last night. That’s why I said no to you at first, when you asked me to come live with you.  Then you said you loved me, though, and…well, that changed everything.”

“I should have told you sooner, I should have” –

“Carol, listen to me.” Therese sat back down and put a hand on Carol’s arm, trying to sooth her.  “Remember in the car, that day, after Waterloo? You asked me what I thought and I told you I thought I was selfish.”

Carol nodded, “Yes, but –“

“Just listen, ok?” she said gently.  “I’ve thought a lot about that.  I know you told me it wasn’t my fault, but I still think I was right, in a way.”

“What do you mean?  You couldn’t have possibly known –“

“But I could have.  No no, being followed was not my fault.  But I said yes to you, without ever wondering what impact it would have on you.  I was just…it was all so new to me, to feel what I felt, and I was just so thrilled you saw me, so…taken with your attention, I never thought of your life.  I could have asked. I just wanted you, wanted you to myself.  I said yes, because I just wanted to be with you.  Selfish, you see?”

Carol’s eyes narrowed, but kindly.  “I still think you’re being hard on yourself. I invited you into the mess of my life,” she said, with a wave of her hands. “At least I knew what I was feeling, I suspected it was new for you but –“

“Who can just come out and say, ‘hello, I know you’re a woman but I think I’m falling in love with you, what do we do now?’ All we had were hints, clues. Half the time I thought I was imagining things.  Until Waterloo, of course.”

“Waterloo!”

And they laughed as Therese retrieved the fresh coffee and refilled their cups.  “Here’s to Waterloo!” she said, and they toasted with a grin.

Carol looked at Therese over the top of her cup.  “You fell in love with me?” she asked quietly.

“Of course.”

Carol blushed, shy.  “Me too.” 

Therese smiled and kissed her hand.  “I know that now.  I’m so sorry for how hard this must have been for you.”  Carol tilted her head and just smiled, a small ache in her eyes.

“Your letter…you were right, you know.  Eventually I understood that.  You were right, I wanted a resolution, an explanation. But the explanation was clear enough, once I got beyond myself.  And as for resolution…you love Rindy, you did not love your husband, and you did – do – love me…well, we don’t live in a world where those things are allowed to be resolved with any kind of ease, if at all.  Regardless of how we feel about each other, it will be a long time before things are resolved with Rindy.  I understand that now.”

Therese had never said so much to Carol as she had this morning.  “You didn’t throw me away. You went to try to find a way through this mess.  I’m so sorry for the pain it’s caused you.”  Carol’s head was bowed over her cup, and she heaved a shaky sigh.  “Come on,” Therese said, taking Carol’s hand.  “Let’s go sit on the sofa, and you can tell me about Rindy.  Tell me what happened.”

So they sat together, Carol leaning into Therese and laying her head on her chest.  Therese quietly stroked Carol’s hair while Carol poured out the story of the meetings with the lawyers, and the psychotherapist, and the emotionless family and society dinners, and the realization that her misery was no gift to her child, and that her freedom, though it meant being apart, was the better way to love her daughter in the long run.  The custody agreement allowed for visits, unsupervised, which was a surprise, and Harge promised not to interfere with Carol’s life – also a surprise. Her new apartment was hers alone, Harge had no key and had to ask the doorman to ring up.  Abby visited of course but still, the apartment felt large and empty, without Rindy. Without Therese.

Therese kissed the top of Carol’s head.  “Strange, isn’t it.  That to be free can bring pain and joy, both.  Unresolved.  That’s what your letter meant.”

Carol sighed. “Yes.”  She pressed a kiss to Therese’s palm.  “Please know that even though it pains me to be apart from my daughter, you bring me such joy.  All the feelings are not so easily separated.”

“I know,” Therese responded, and pulled Carol closer.  They stayed silent for a time, Therese occasionally kissing Carol’s head, Carol rubbing her thumb back and forth across Therese’s collarbone.

“Carol, would it be harder to be free, if I moved in with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“These photographs, for example.  I assume Harge or someone drops Rindy off at your place? Would we be able to have them out? Not all of them, obviously, some are –“

“Private?  Yes. I hadn’t thought of that.  I’m not sure.  Harge has promised to be on better behavior but at least for now…why, what are you thinking?” Carol asked, shifting to see Therese more clearly.

“Please don’t worry,” Therese said, cupping Carol’s cheek for a moment.  “It’s just…I was just wondering if I moved in with you so soon after the custody agreement, if that wouldn’t make things more awkward right now, when they are so delicate.  Give everyone a chance to live into it a little.”

“But, I want to be with you, Therese, I will not –“

“Believe me when I tell you, I want the same thing.  So here’s my proposal:  You come live with me.  Oh, keep your apartment,” she said a Carol began to speak, “and spend your time with Rindy there, but we’ll spend our time together here, where we can be more free, where I can be surrounded by these beautiful photographs of you, where you can get to know my world too.”

Carol searched Therese’s face.  “Sounds…messy.  Unresolved, if you will.” A smile teased the corner of her mouth.

“Most definitely,” Therese agreed with a small laugh. “What do you think?  Carol, I’m hoping you‘d like to come live with me.  Would you?”

Carol’s gaze blazed like the late morning sun pouring through the window, her hair illumined by the light, her smile broadening as she leaned towards Therese.

“Yes, dearest, yes.”  And her kiss left Therese breathless.

  
~ ~ ~   


Later, with Carol naked and sleeping in her arms again, Therese contemplated her apartment, regarding the freshly-painted walls with a new eye.  The blue she had chosen, she realized, was the blue of clear sky at sunrise.  She had surrounded herself with the sunrise, and now the sun was in her arms, in her bed.  Nuzzling her head into Carol’s neck and pulling her closer, Therese sighed, content. 

A perpetual sunrise.


	2. Carol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one of my beautiful readers once asked in a comment if I'd considered a post-Oak Room fic from Carol's POV, so here you have it. The story is the same as the previous chapter, but I do adore being inside her head, so it's a tiny bit more fleshed out (plus, I've learned more about them since I wrote Chapter 1, the first fic I'd ever written). And you get a little bonus at the end. :-)

A perpetual sunrise.

Her gaze, a perpetual sunrise.

In one smooth elegant motion, Carol rose from the table, her eyes never leaving Therese’s as she murmured a polite but brief “Please excuse me,” only the slight tremor of her hand as she left her napkin on the table betraying her emotion.  They moved through the restaurant into the lobby silently.  Carol thanked the coat-check staffer, and together they stepped out into the street.  

How she was still breathing Carol did not know.  She looked up into the misty night sky and inhaled deeply. _Whatever happens now_ , she thought, _she’s here, she’s here.  She leads now. So much possibility._   Carol lowered her eyes back into Therese’s gaze, searching.  For a long moment they stood, tremulous, the rumble of the subway under their feet their only accompaniment, until Therese reached for her arm and led her down the block towards Carol’s car.

Carol shook off the urge for a cigarette, not wanting to break the moment or move her arm from Therese’s.  _Her arm through mine, well. That calms my nerves enough_ , she thought.  They walked in silence, and Carol wondered when either of them would have the courage to speak.  So much had gone unspoken between them those winter weeks, unspoken because impossible, unspoken because who had words, unspoken because uncertain, unspoken because unknown. Now it was spring, and all things were new.

In what seemed both an eternity and the briefest of moments, they arrived at Carol’s car.  Carol opened the passenger door for Therese, feeling a tiny wave of loss when Therese released her arm. Carol went around and settled behind the driver’s seat.  “You know the way to my apartment from here?” Therese asked, shifting slightly.  Carol felt a sudden pang. Surely she hadn’t misunderstood.  She had thought Madison, she had thought -

“Carol,” Therese said softly, as if calling to her, Carol felt. Therese’s hand slid down Carol’s arm to squeeze her hand: “Look at me.”  Carol knew then her face had betrayed her panicked hope, but Therese’s eyes were nothing but kindness.  “I’d like you to come to my apartment with me, please.  Come, and stay the night.  Would you?”

Carol breathed a gasp, feeling both a thrill and slightly foolish as she had not imagined this possibility. “Yes, dearest, yes,” she replied, squeezing Therese’s hand in return.

After starting the car and pulling out into the street, Carol quietly slid her hand across the seat to Therese, who clutched it in her own with a sigh.  Carol could feel the quiver in the upturned corner of her mouth, unable hold in her smile.  Holding hands with Therese again in the car was its own gift, a reassurance of things to come. The connection was as if no time had passed between them. But time had passed between them, Carol considered, and pain.  She inhaled deeply as she pulled up to the curb in front Therese’s building and parked the car.  _We have much to talk about, my dearest._

Carol followed Therese as they quietly ascended the stairs to the third floor, her wild heartbeat not only due to the climb.  Unlocking the door, Therese gestured Carol inside with a gallant wave that made them both laugh with sudden freedom.

Carol could hear Therese still giggling as she closed and locked the door, while Carol walked slowly through the kitchen into the living room.  As she draped her coat across a chair, waves of memory lapped at her from the first night she had visited, the night she invited Therese on the trip.  The picture from the tree lot was gone, she noticed with a prick to her heart. There was no evidence of her anywhere. _Why should I expect that_ , she admonished herself, _why should I expect anything_? 

She turned slowly in the living room, realizing the changes since she had last been there. So many changes.  She felt shy with incredulous anticipation, joyous to be there, to be with Therese, but guilt and regret bit at the edges of her happiness.  She tried to gather herself together, tried to find what to say, how to begin. Finally she turned to the younger woman who she was not at all surprised to find was watching her from the doorway. “You painted,” Carol said gently, “I like it. This blue, it suits you.”

Carol held her breath as Therese drew closer. _So much to say, so much to apologize for_ , but all Carol wanted was to have Therese in her arms again. 

“Thank you,” Therese responded as she came still in front of Carol.  “I…needed a change. I needed…many things to change.”  She reached up to caress Carol’s hair, and Carol’s eyes stung with tears.  Therese cupped her cheek, grazing her thumb over her cheekbone.

“Carol,” she whispered, and suddenly with a choked sob Carol fell into her arms, and Therese was kissing the top of her head as they stumbled to the sofa.  “Shh, shh, it’s ok now, it’s ok, Carol,” she whispered in between kisses as she pulled Carol to her chest.  “I’m so sorry,” Carol gulped between tears, “Therese, I’m so sorry…” Carol clung to Therese’s lapel, the other arm wrapped around her waist.  Their words mingled, overlapped, and Carol felt Therese’s kisses on her head, a hum of comfort in her ear, and she leaned into Therese’s arms holding her tight.

“Shh, it’s ok now...”

“I’m so sorry. I should have…”

“You couldn’t, Carol, how could you…”

“Wait, I should have said wait…”

“We’re here now, shh, it’s ok now…”

Carol clung, holding her breath until another sob cracked. “I…I missed you. God…”

Therese turned Carol’s face up to hers, kissing her forehead. “Oh God, don’t you know how I’ve missed you?” Therese dried away Carol’s tears with her thumb.  “Shh now, we can talk more tomorrow.”   She gently shifted them upright.  “Shh now.  Enough for now.” She stood and turned to take Carol’s hands, asking softly, “Come with me now, would you?”  Carol thought she would surely come undone as she took a shaky deep breath, offering the only possible answer: “Yes.”

Therese led them through to her bedroom.  Carol’s eyes widened as Therese began to unbutton her own jacket, eyes never leaving hers.  Carol blinked. “I’ve let my nose run all over your lovely jacket,” she muttered.  “Believe me when I tell you I do not care,” Therese responded, her voice deeper as she dropped the jacket to the floor and stepped towards Carol.  Carol thought surely her heart would fly out of her chest.

She watched, mesmerized, as Therese ran a finger along the brooch on Carol’s jacket, tracing the nubs of the pearls and the smooth, curved edge.   Carol’s breathing quickened, and as Therese looked up into her gaze of unabashed longing she unbuttoned the top button of Carol’s jacket.  “Don’t you know how I’ve missed you?” she breathed into Carol’s ear.  Carol quivered like a plucked string, her breath almost vibrating, matching Therese’s own, but still she didn’t move.

Carol trembled as Therese’s hands grew more impatient, quickly unbuttoning and removing her jacket, groping now for hooks.  She wanted to be sure this was happening, wanted to be sure her touch would be welcome, _a ridiculous thought, are you daft? She’s undressing me, oh god just let her, just take me and this aching heart._    Therese’s breath on her neck was hot as she whispered again, “Don’t you know how I’ve missed you?” and Carol felt her kiss the bare flesh where her collarbones met.  Carol could not stifle a moan as she leaned into Therese’s hands, and she hesitantly raised her own to lay them on Therese’s shoulders. 

Immediately Therese slid a hand around the back of Carol’s neck, drawing her in for a kiss, an encouragement, an invitation that Carol readily accepted with a hunger she could barely contain.  Carol’s hands caressed slowly down Therese’s back, and the younger woman pulled back slightly to rest their foreheads together. “Carol,” – she said, voice shaking as she caught her eyes – “don’t you know I love you, too?”

The cry that came from Carol as she threw back her head felt like it came all the way up from the earth through her body, and she pressed her lips to Therese’s with startling force. Now all their hands moved with a fury, Carol pulling at Therese’s sweater, Therese fumbling with the eye hook on Carol’s skirt.  “I think I tore it,” Therese gasped in between kisses, as the skirt slid to Carol’s ankles.  “Believe me when I tell you I do not care,” Carol rasped, kicking the skirt away, her shoes along with it.  Therese’s hands on her bare skin set Carol on fire, and they fell onto the bed, casting away the last of their underthings.

They paused, calm between the furies, catching their breath between gentle kisses. As Therese traced her features, Carol felt full of light and wonder.  “My angel,” she murmured, her fingertips grazing the curve of Therese’s hip. “Yes,” Therese smiled at her gently, “Yes, your angel,” she repeated, pulling at Carol’s hips until their bodies were touching knees, thighs, bellies, breasts. 

“Yours.”

And there were hands and lips and skin, curves and muscle and sinew, softness and tremble and shudder. 

Limbs entwined, Carol was never sure whose heart it was she felt beating, whose breath trembling, breath and heart their own rhythm, a rocking subterranean rumble giving way to triple beats over double, shifting accents losing any sense of downbeat, sliding suspensions releasing months of ache and loneliness.

She only knew she had never felt more alive as their bodies resolved their longing in an exquisite chord drawn out on breath of wonder, on a beat held until they could hold no more. 

As Carol ran her fingers quietly up and down Therese’s back, Therese buried her face in Carol’s neck, inhaling deeply, and Carol remembered Waterloo, how Therese had inhaled her like that, over and over, and felt an overwhelming gratitude to be here, now.  Finally catching her breath, Therese brought them a glass of water from the kitchen.  Raising up on one elbow, Carol took several deep swallows and then handed the glass back with a mischievous cock of an eyebrow that she knew drove Therese wild.

Carol said one word, and Therese melted back into her arms.

“Again.”

  
~ ~ ~

  
Carol stretched, awakening, the feel of the sheets on her skin the reminder that she was naked, and the memories of the night made her smile; eyes still closed against the morning light, she turned in the bed to find Therese. But Therese was not there, and Carol opened her eyes with a jerk.  “Therese?” she called out, anxious.

Therese was already entering the room.  “Here, Carol, I’m here,” she said, sitting down on the bed and reaching for Carol’s hand.

Carol rubbed her eyes with her free hand. “Not a dream then? For a moment I…”

“No, definitely not a dream.  Believe me when I tell you,” she said with a smile.

Carol met her smile with her own. “Thank God.” She pulled Therese’s hand towards her and kissed it.

“Coffee?  I was not exactly expecting company,” Therese winked, “so don’t have much to offer, but I can make you some toast and eggs.”

“You’re a sweetheart, thank you.”

Therese gestured to an extra robe she had set out while Carol was still sleeping. Carol pulled it on and wandered into the living room, coming stock still as she gazed around her.  Hanging from clips on twine that stretched across the walls of the room was photograph after photograph of their trip.  Landscapes, some of which Carol remembered clearly, road signs, a few of Therese, but most of all photos of Carol herself, starting with that first photo at the tree lot and on, in diners, in the car, and there were the photos by the fields in western Illinois, where Therese had had her pose like Georgia O’Keeffe in Stieglitz’s photographs they had seen in Chicago.  Carol was overwhelmed.  It was as if Therese had surrounded them with their memories, their story, and Carol was breathless at the thought.

Carol jumped as Therese touched her elbow and handed her a cup of coffee.

“These weren’t up last night, were they?” Carol asked, gesturing at the walls with her cup.

“The photographs? No. I did that while you were sleeping.”

Carol smiled widely, shaking her head, still turning and taking in the whole timeline of their journey. “Beautiful, Therese, this is beautiful.”

“There’s one more, it just finished drying. Hold on.”

Therese returned with the new photograph and handed it to Carol, who held it with care.  It was a photo of their hands, fingers intertwined, resting on Carol’s belly with Therese’s blanket angling underneath.  Carol looked up at Therese, beaming and puzzled. “But how? When?”

“While you slept.  It was tricky, getting the right angle, holding the camera, not waking you up, you know.  But the light from the sunrise was so perfect, and you…well.  It took several tries but this one is perfect.”

Carol sighed, content.  “Perfect. Full circle.”

Therese smiled shyly, and headed back to the kitchen to make Carol’s breakfast. Carol continued to stare at the photograph in her hand, and around the room at the others.  So many. So many of her. And, she realized, Therese still had them. 

“Won’t be long,” Therese called out from the kitchen, and Carol set the photo of their hands carefully to display on a bookshelf, and carried her coffee cup into the kitchen.

At the table Carol nibbled her toast, delighted by the photos but thoughtful as well.  “You kept them. You didn’t throw them away. I’m not sure I could have done that if I had been in your shoes.”

Therese placed a hand over Carol’s. “Honestly, I thought about it.  But I couldn’t.  I missed you, for one thing, and then here was all this evidence that you were real, that this experience that changed me was real.  I couldn’t.  I did put them in a box, eventually,” she confessed. “But I couldn’t throw them away.”

Therese’s confession made Carol’s heart ache.  “You thought I discarded you. You weren’t going to do the same.” She wasn’t sure if it was a question, and she looked into her empty coffee cup as Therese got up to make more coffee, giving Carol’s hand a squeeze as she rose.

“Yes, I did.  I did think that, for a while.  In fact I was never entirely sure until last night. That’s why I said no to you at first, when you asked me to come live with you.  Then you said you loved me, though, and…well, that changed everything.”

Carol felt the guilt gnawing in her belly.  “I should have told you sooner, I should have” –

“Carol, listen to me.” Therese sat back down and put a hand on Carol’s arm.  “Remember in the car, that day, after Waterloo? You asked me what I thought and I told you I thought I was selfish.”

Carol nodded, “Yes, but –“

“Just listen, ok?” she said gently.  “I’ve thought a lot about that.  I know you told me it wasn’t my fault, but I still think I was right, in a way.”

“What do you mean?  You couldn’t have possibly known –“

“But I could have.  No no” – Carol had given her a look – “being followed was not my fault.  But I said yes to you, without ever wondering what impact it would have on you.  I was just…it was all so new to me, to feel what I felt, and I was just so thrilled you saw me, so…taken with your attention, I never thought of your life.  I could have asked. I just wanted you, wanted you to myself.  I said yes, because I just wanted to be with you.  Selfish, you see?”

Carol’s eyes narrowed, but kindly.  “I still think you’re being hard on yourself. I invited you into the mess of my life,” she said, with a wave of her hands. “At least I knew what I was feeling, I suspected it was new for you but –“

“Who can just come out and say, ‘hello, I know you’re a woman but I think I’m falling in love with you, what do we do now?’ All we had were hints, clues. Half the time I thought I was imagining things.  Until Waterloo, of course.”

“Waterloo!”

And they laughed as Therese retrieved the fresh coffee and refilled their cups.  “Here’s to Waterloo!” she said, and they toasted with a grin.

Carol looked at Therese over the top of her cup.  “You fell in love with me?” she asked quietly, though the space around her heart quivered.

“Of course.”

Carol blushed, shy.  “Me too.” 

Therese smiled and kissed her hand.  “I know that now.  I’m so sorry for how hard this must have been for you.”  Carol tilted her head and just smiled, a small ache in her eyes.

“Your letter…you were right, you know.  Eventually I understood that.  You were right, I wanted a resolution, an explanation. But the explanation was clear enough, once I got beyond myself.  And as for resolution…you love Rindy, you did not love your husband, and you did – do – love me…well, we don’t live in a world where those things are allowed to be resolved with any kind of ease, if at all.  Regardless of how we feel about each other, it will be a long time before things are resolved with Rindy.  I understand that now.”

Carol was not sure Therese had ever said so much, and it was clear to her she had grown in these few, but long, months.   _As I had hoped. As I knew she would become._ Carol felt pleased Therese did eventually understand her letter, but she could not erase the guilt she felt for what it cost them, of the pain she had caused the other woman.

“You didn’t throw me away,” Therese continued. “You went to try to find a way through this mess.  I’m so sorry for the pain it’s caused you.”  Carol’s head was bowed over her cup, and she heaved a shaky sigh, finding it hard to believe that Therese was not angry with her.  “Come on,” Therese said, taking Carol’s hand.  “Let’s go sit on the sofa, and you can tell me about Rindy.  Tell me what happened.”

So they sat together, Carol leaning into Therese and laying her head on her chest.  Therese quietly stroked Carol’s hair while Carol poured out the story of the meetings with the lawyers, and the psychotherapist, and the emotional blackmail of enduring family and society dinners in exchange for brief visits with her daughter.  Therese cursed when Carol told her that her phones had been tapped and her movements watched. “Goddammit, no wonder,” she muttered, “no wonder you didn’t say anything,” and she squeezed Carol’s hand tight. 

Carol told Therese of seeing her in that street that day on the way to court, and how the memory of being alive and loved was the last straw, waking her up to the realization that her misery was no gift to her child, and that her freedom to live as she was, though it meant being apart, was the better way to love her daughter in the long run.  The custody agreement allowed for monthly visits, unsupervised, which was a surprise, and Harge promised not to interfere with Carol’s life – also a surprise, though Carol was unsure she could ever trust him. Her new apartment was hers alone, Harge had no key and the doormen were under strict instruction not to let him up without calling her first.  Abby visited of course but still, the apartment felt large and empty, without Rindy. “Without you,” she finished, simply.

Therese kissed the top of Carol’s head.  “Strange, isn’t it.  That to be free can bring pain and joy, both.  Unresolved.  That’s what your letter meant.”

Carol sighed. “Yes.”  She pressed a kiss to Therese’s palm.  “Please know that even though it pains me to be apart from my daughter, you bring me such joy.  All the feelings are not so easily separated.”

“I know,” Therese responded, and pulled Carol closer.  They stayed silent for a time, Therese occasionally kissing Carol’s head, Carol rubbing her thumb back and forth across Therese’s collarbone. Carol felt spent from telling the story, and still had trouble believing she was being held in these tender arms she had longed for over all these long, desperate weeks.

Therese stirred slightly.  “Carol, would it be harder to be free, if I moved in with you?”

“What do you mean?” 

“These photographs, for example.  I assume Harge or someone drops Rindy off at your place? Would we be able to have them out? Not all of them, obviously, some are –“

“Private?  Yes. I hadn’t thought of that.  I’m not sure.  Harge has promised to be on better behavior but at least for now…why, what are you thinking?” Carol asked.  Suddenly confused she shifted to see Therese more clearly.

“Please don’t worry,” Therese said, cupping Carol’s cheek for a moment.  “It’s just…I was just wondering if I moved in with you so soon after the custody agreement, if that wouldn’t make things more awkward right now, when they are so delicate.  Give everyone a chance to live into it a little.”

Carol wasn’t having it.  “But, I want to be with you, Therese, I will not” –

“Believe me when I tell you, I want the same thing,” Therese quickly interjected, and Carol could almost breathe again.  “So here’s my proposal:  You come live with me.” Carol began to interrupt her but Therese continued on.  “Oh, keep your apartment, and spend your time with Rindy there, but we’ll spend our time together here, where we can be more free, where I can be surrounded by these beautiful photographs of you, where you can get to know my world too.”

Carol searched Therese’s face, seeing nothing but honesty.  “Sounds…messy.  Unresolved, if you will.” A smile teased the corner of her mouth.

“Most definitely,” Therese agreed with a small laugh. “What do you think?  Carol, I’m hoping you‘d like to come live with me.  Would you?”

All the guilt and regret Carol had felt that last 24 hours shrank away, into small packets she could tuck away for another time, and she smiled broadly as she leaned towards Therese.

“Yes, dearest, yes.”  And her kiss left them both breathless.

  
~ ~ ~   


Later, Carol awakened, smiling at the feel of the sheets against her naked body and this time, Therese’s arm and leg slung over her chest and thighs.  She turned into Therese’s arms to find her watching her.  “Well hello there,” she murmured with a grin.

“Hi,” Therese blushed, caught.

Carol chuckled softly and tucked strands of hair behind Therese’s ear. “Tell me something, darling,” she said, drawing a finger along Therese’s cheek.

“Anything,” Therese whispered, shifting her arm over Carol’s hip and drawing her closer.

“Your…friend, last night…what was his name?”

“Jack?” Therese guffawed and rolled her eyes.  “Oh god, I could have killed him with my butter knife.”

Carol laughed, and then was quiet again.  “Darling, what would have…what would you have done, had he not come?”

Therese closed her eyes, briefly, then opened them again to look into Carol’s own questioning gaze.  She smiled slightly, “Well I wouldn’t have gone to that damn party.” 

Carol didn’t say anything, just kept stroking Therese’s cheek.

“Carol,” Therese continued, “in all seriousness, 30 more seconds, and I would have told you the same thing, that I loved you, too. 30 more seconds to get through the upheaval inside me, 30 more seconds. And I would have left with you right then.”

“Dearest,” Carol murmured, low, tracing Therese’s lips with her fingertips.

“But” –

Carol’s fingers stilled. “But?”

Therese took a breath.  “I know this sounds strange but…the look on your face, your eyes, right before you stood up to go…” She paused.

“Yes…” Carol whispered, remembering every possible plea she tried to express in that split second, and her despair.  Her chest ached again, but Therese’s eyes didn’t leave her, though, and she trusted that.

“I think…” Therese began “…I think I needed to see that too.  Everything was in that look, how scared you were, how much you…were hurting. Not that I wanted you to hurt…like I said, it’s strange, but seeing how much it cost you, these months apart, not just me but everything…you laid everything on the line in that moment, just you, bare, and somehow it made your words more real.”  She ran her fingers across Carol’s brow.  “Does that make any sense at all?”

Carol briefly closed her eyes to Therese’s touch, thankful for it.  “Yes, darling, I think so,” she answered, opening her eyes again to find Therese gazing at her with such a look of care and wonder that it made her blood flutter under her skin.

“It answered all my questions, that look,” she went on, “though it took me a minute to figure it out.” She laughed softly.  “I locked myself in Phil’s bathroom for an age, berating myself for letting you go.”  She pulled Carol even closer.  “But we’re here now, aren’t we?” she said with a smile.

Once again Carol found herself overwhelmed with feeling, a complex, tender happiness that filled her and pressed tears from her eyes.  “Yes we are, darling, yes we are,” and she kissed Therese lightly, eyes, cheeks, mouth.

Therese raised a hand and ran it through Carol’s hair, letting the strands fall slowly. “You’re beautiful in this light,” she whispered, letting her hand slide back down to find the center of Carol’s back, where she drew small, lazy circles into the skin in a way that made Carol hum inside.  “Carol, I won’t tell you these months weren’t hard” – Carol winced at the words – “I tried to put  you…away, put you in a box, but look” – she waved towards the living room, and Carol shifted to look – “look what I did. I painted my apartment the color of a sunrise sky, the sky outside our window in Waterloo in fact, that morning, while you stood there and laughed. I didn’t even realize I had done it, until just now while you were asleep. And now you’re here, and…” 

Therese’s voice shook and faded, and Carol turned back to her, pulling her tightly to her and kissing her, no words left now, slow and languid lips upon searching lips. Carol felt warm, on fire in fact, on fire like the sun, and here, Therese her dearest sky, in her arms at long last.

A perpetual sunrise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost exactly one year ago, I wrote the first, and I thought only, chapter of this fic. It was the first fanfic I had ever written, and I posted it on my birthday in celebration. It made me so happy to do so, and I thought, at the time, that would be all. Well, a year later and I've written 5 fics in this little universe I've created with them (or them with me, or something), my goodness! And more to come. the story doesn't seem to want to let me go any time soon. <3


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